Time to go.

I'm going to run away from my job soon. Maybe I won't even wait for the end of June.
Why?
Because that enviroment is fucking rotten! I can't believe the new game we had there! We will all, willing or not, be judged for the way we dress everyday, the one that wins more for some weeks will gain extra 100 euros. This is disgusting, I'm just not going to take this challenge because it is my brain that counts, not the money I can spend on clothes.
I can't be part of that plastic enviroment anymore.
Hopefully I'm also gonna be innocent and free in few days, so "Hello world"!
No more Shalott complex for sometimes...or so I wish.
But I keep on saying to myself: "Welcome to Italy, baby!"; I'm not even shocked anymore when I realize each day how much of a materialist country Italy has become.
And God, I so wished, when I started this career as an alternative option to the path I wasn't allowed to pursue because of the injustice I suffered from (which I'll be free from in few days), that this job was about activism...instead is just plain marketing, and it's for happy people who smile so much they conquer the audience, and for women who like flirting. I'm not a smiley girl and most of all I'm not a flirty one.
I'm fucking shy, I don't show off my body, I don't flirt with men...why the hell did I happen to get that job? Was I brainwashed?
But I'm pretty disgusted about how women and girls are becoming here. The average italian girl is a almost-naked, smiley, flirty one who'll do everything for the money, and gets all the best jobs even if she's not educated for them.

And what about us? Poor, educated women with dignity and integrity? Who rely on our brain and skills rather than provocative clothing or captivating smiles? This country must give us the credit we need. We can't be voiceless. We need our space.

Lyrics Time

Pray for me

If you want to

Pray for me

If you care

Pray for me

If you want to

Pray for meIf you dare

Pray for meIf you want to

Pray for meIf you care

Pray for meIf you want to

Pray for me you fucker

If you fucking dare

Though, you're not a fucker, but the sweetest thing to me, through it all...

Fed Up

I'm tired of struggling to be happy.
I'm tired of struggling to keep those few things which make me happy.
I'm tired of being constantly tested.
I'm tired of my job and I fucking miss the old one.
I'm tired of your insecurity, darling: if you love me stop testing me.
I'm tired of O.c.d.
I'm of tired of B.d.p.
I'm tired of sleepless nights.
I'm tired of studying, in Italy it gets you nowhere.
I'm tired of my heart which is too good.
I'm tired of paranoias.
I'm tired of crazy dreams.
I'm tired of jealous people.
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm tired of tears.
I'm tired of waiting for happiness to come.
I'm tired of waiting for calm to come.
I'm tired of fear, concrete or non-existent.
I'm tired of obsessions.
I'm fucking tired of myself.

Almost Midnight's Rant

I really need to talk, to express myself, to scream myself.

And I feel fucking lonely right now, I don't even know where to start, I'm confusing reality and fake perception and I fucking know it's Borderline knocking on my mind's door. I didn't ask to be the sad girl, to be the mad girl and I don't know why I keep having this issues running around my head. I'll loose my dignity to the disorder that oppresses me. I don't know where to start there's a long long story of crazyness going on.
There had been a time where I was very antisocial and lonely and yet I would feel at ease with myself, alone in my room with my books and my music I was satisfied I was missing something but I wasn't suffering. I don't wanna go back to that world where I was a lonely girl living in a fantastic reality made of fake dreams. I fucking wanna love and be among people. But I need it to be healthy. No more prooves please, just try to be you and I'll try to be me.
Destructive behaviour is taking me over. I want to eat like I'm never full, I want to drink to forget myself, I want to smoke to forget about eating and drinking. I don't feel like cutting, yet, I already have to many scars...to many people is wondering where I got them.
Can't it be simple for a while?
Can I breath for a while?
I can't find answers...and you're not trying to answer my questions.
Every day is like a fucking proof I am worth it, I swear I have dignity but I am plain sad and I lack courage to go on, one day I smile one day I cry, all because of you my bipolar love. Wallahi I'll never leave you but I hope you'll understand I am unstable too, I need you to stay strong for me like I am staying strong for you. Don't test me anymore, you know that I am with you, I am just asking to stop testing my love. I adore for all that you are, I don't care if you're mad, you're my hero baby, you're my true love...the only one I could ever love.
One day you fly me to the Moon, one day you drag me to hell, than you tell me you're sorry and you missed me, you missed my hug, my kiss. Honey we are made for each other...it's only a challenge with life.

It's all in my head

Lately I have felt strange in my skin. Like I am too different twins with two different personalities: one is thoughtful, ambitious, guided by faith, self-confident about her worth, hard-working and one is a screaming sort of borderline, sometimes atheist mad person who's struggling against her mind.
And I wonder how much will I resist to this.
I want to grow beautifully and fulfill what I am meant to be.
I want to feel confortable with myself.
I want to feel at ease with my brain.
Questions flow through my mind like an ocean, I am delighted by my good face and frightened by bad one.
I need to feel good.
I need to let my obsessive thoughts fade away as easily as they come, remembering it's just my mind playing with my biggest fears.
I need to understand that thoughts are intrusive and caused by fears.
Empowerment is the key, I know I am stronger than my fears.

Oh...

I can't believe what has been happening lately...
Will someone do something for them please?
Is it possible to leave a population alone in the hands of a dirty oppressor?